Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
you win again, gameday.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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