Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
