I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
i think my mom watched the whole time
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Randomize
