hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
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