Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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