It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
