I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
