dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Randomize
