my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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