So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
