Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
