Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Randomize
