I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Well I just put wine in my tea
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
