Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
My bed smells like the plague
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
