I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
