i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Randomize
