My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
