Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
