The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
