one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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