Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
