Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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