I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize