y did u give ur computer a hand job?
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Randomize
