Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Barsexuality is the new black.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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