Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
