I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
