why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
