Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
