Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Randomize
