I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
