My friends, they love my intelligence
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
