please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize