so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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