dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
