If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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