What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
