he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Randomize
