I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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