Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
