My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
