Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
