The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
