tell your sister to shave her snatch
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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