I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
