some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
My vagina is very pro this idea
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