Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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