perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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