I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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