I wish I could teleport
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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