So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
