YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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