i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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