tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
