is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
