dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
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Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
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