R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
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