Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
