i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
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I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
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At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
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