is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Randomize
