please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I think I won the penis lottery.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
