3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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