Just fell off a train. Bad.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
