i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
