By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
