I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
