Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
