I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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