Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
