So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
